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There are a lot of contenders out there for the gold medal in the, “worst part about how we approach mental health,” Olympics, but I think a dark horse has got to be the following:
We think of mental health almost entirely in terms of the major mental illnesses. The public view basically boils down to, “Let’s make sure schizophrenics don’t get rocket launchers, and man, it’s sad that Robin Williams died. Also there’s something about a stigma in there. Yeah, fuck stigmas! Or are stigmas good? Shit, I don’t remember.”
Basically unless you have a disease that might cause you to hurt yourself or others, we don’t really think about how to improve our current mental health, how to prevent mental health problems, or even what mental health really is.
This is, to put it kindly, incredibly fucking stupid and destructive.
This isn’t to say that those illnesses don’t matter. Of course they do. It is sad that Robin Williams died. Have you seen The Fisher King?
But imagine if we looked at physical health this way–if your concerns were just, “Don’t get cancer and AIDS,” and you otherwise paid no attention to your physical health.
Of course if you do that, you’re a (probably obese) dumbass. Similarly, if you only think of mental health as merely not having schizophrenia and depression, you’re a (probably low functioning) dumbass.
What Mental Health Actually Is
Mental health is really about how you function with everything that involves your brain…..which is everything.
So it’s about brain wires attaching where they’re supposed to, so that you can be as successful as possible when you try to achieve your dreams, or love your family, or socialize normally with your coworkers without bragging about your My Little Pony fan-fiction.
Let’s be clear here though. Improving your mental health is not about making you smarter. It’s about unleashing and utilizing the intelligence you already have.
Try to Avoid a Fat Lebron James Brain
Think of it like this. Imagine Lebron James’ body.
Obviously, his body is among the most elite in the world–akin to the brain of say, Stephen Hawking. But it would be (for what he does) useless if he weren’t also in good shape. If he spent all of his days watching Bravo shows, planning theoretical Pinterest trips to Bali, and inhaling Pop Tarts, he would have had trouble getting up and down the court, and been out of the NBA in 4 years.
He still would be just as incredible of a natural athlete, but that athleticism would be buried under layers of flab, and well-formed habits of sitting a lot. It would lay dormant.
Your brain works the same way. If Stephen Hawking spent his days, well, watching Bravo shows, planning theoretical Pinterest trips to Bali, and inhaling Pop Tarts, he would also be a shell of his potential self. He’d likely picking arguments with moms on Facebook, constantly mentioning his IQ like an asshole, and making fake Twitter accounts to call the girls who have rejected him “whores.”
So what I’m saying is, your abilities are useless if your health sucks. So make sure you don’t have a fat Lebron James brain.
“But who cares?” I can hear you saying. “What do I need a stronger brain for anyway? What am I going to do with that? Memorize the periodic table? Who gives a shit?”
Creating a better brain is about so much more than that. In fact, here’s a short list of everything improving your mental health can help in your life:
1. Everything. Literally God damn everything.
Okay, here’s a longer list:
-Making more friends
-Better at relationships
-Improving at your ability to follow your aspirations
-Better family life
-Improving real happiness
-Better understanding of, and connection to current events
-Better understanding of, and connection to yourself
-Way huger dick
-Better at math
-Better athletically
-More fulfilling work life
-Better presentation of yourself to the world
-Better understanding of human emotions
-More creativity
-More able to put up with life’s bullshit
-Better existential thought
-More calm, understood feeling of your place in the world
-Way better ordering of priorities
-Better functioning in just about every other way you can think of
Okay, I’ll admit that one of those isn’t true. So take whatever item off the list that you want, and then imagine how your life could improve in so many other ways!
Okay, so then, what do we do? How do we improve our mental health? How can we get a more fit, sexy brain?
The answer is in the same way you improve physical health–with the right diet, exercise, and the occasional pill to help with a bad back, or in the case of your brain, a shitty serotonin dispenser. I’m not here to tell you which pills (if any) to take to make your brain less shitty, but I can go in depth on the other two, so let’s do that.
1) Avoid Feeding Your Brain Doritos
The first step to having a healthier brain is to watch what you put into it. There is literally endless brain junk food out there and we consume it by the Costco saran-wrapped pallet full, so it’s worth taking note of what it is.
The most popular version of brain junk food is overstimulating media. This gives you immediate gratification without providing any insight, without helping you accomplish anything, without doing anything really for you besides giving you a quick jolt of good feelings. It’s like meth, only it doesn’t help as much with productivity.
If you’re having trouble determining what exactly is brain junk food, here’s a hint: it’s most of the TV, movies, music, romance novels, social media, video games, clickbait articles, and all of the porn, and astrology that we consume. Brain junk food is anything that you put into your brain that doesn’t in some way help you to learn more, to think more, or to connect more.
Now you may be thinking, “But that’s most of what I put in my brain,” and yeah, that’s kind of my point. Our primary mental diet is cranial Taco Bell, which causes us to, clinically speaking, totally suck ass.
So consume this stuff in moderation. Making Brain Doritos a sometimes thing is fine. Making them your mental diet is a great way to end up with a brain waddling around in a moo moo, and using a rascal scooter at Wal-Mart.
But of course, there is plenty of healthy brain food out there. Productive ideas, thought-provoking media, educational books, *coughs* BeBetterStupid.com, good talks with friends, meditation, and if you need it, therapy, therapy, and more therapy.
This stuff is brain-kale. Keep feeding it that. Put things in your brain that challenge your perspective, present you a new experience, clear your head, or at the very least, aren’t mostly about drunk ladies yelling at each other.
2) Get Your Brain to the Gym
Similar to how your body can become more capable of lifting a weight, running a long distance, or fucking for more than 11 seconds without exploding, you can train your brain to change in capability too. It too can do something difficult until it becomes easier (Hint: That’s all being in better shape really means.)
Sometimes this can be good–it can mean becoming better at reading, or talking to strangers, or developing a taste for broccoli.
But sometimes, it can get into worse shape. This can also mean teaching your brain to want cigarettes, or to crave porn, or to respond internally to every emotional conversation by playing Mambo no. 5 in your head.
But that doesn’t have to happen. You have control over this. You can start to develop the habits, and can build the mental muscles that make your brain stronger, and your decisions better.
The key to exercising your brain is to exercise it specifically in the area where you want to improve your fitness.
So that means that if you want to get better at understanding people, you have to practice being present for conversations, listening, and pondering both what someone is saying, and where it’s coming from–over, and over, and over. If you want to do some heavy lifting in this area, I’d recommend trying to understand a 4-year-old, or finding interest in what an Instagram influencer has to say.
If you want to improve your attention span, you have to push its current limits. Work on a project longer than you otherwise would, make an effort to actually follow that movie that you’ve always pretended to get and totally don’t, read a long article about something boring like tax strategy or floral patterns. Push yourself until you’re stronger.
You’ll definitely suck at all of these things at first–just as the first run in 6 months will cause you to dry heave and hate everything. Practice takes perfect with both physical and mental conditioning.
But your brain isn’t hopeless. It’s not even stupid (probably). It just sucks right now. You’ve let it hang out on a couch and eat ice cream for most of your life, and so it tires easily, and it pukes when you put kale anywhere near it.
You can make it stronger. You can take it to the gym, and get weird gross brain abs. You can work this thing until it can run a marathon, and get rid of your brain’s man-tits all together. This will absolutely make your life better.
So if you want a sexy brain that functions the way it’s supposed to, take care of your brain, push it beyond its comfort zone, and throw your Brain Doritos in the trash.
Productive.