By 
I’m always hesitant to write about race–not because I’m afraid of it, or because it’s a “touchy subject,” but because, truthfully, who the fuck am I? I’m an extremely white guy. I’m a stereotype. When Dave Chappelle impersonates a white guy in his standup, I go, “Ah fuck, that actually sounds like me!”
This is also reflected in my background. I grew up bathing in big, sloshy buckets of suburban straight white dude privilege, and I get that.
I’m not the person to comment on riots, or looting, or how to fix police brutality. This is as overwhelming to me as it is everyone else, and I don’t know what to do.
What I do know is white people. I know the blind spots that I had when I was an angsty teen who knew no life outside of his own privilege, and that many of us still have those same blind spots. As a result, we struggle to make any progress in how we view race, and I think I’ve realized some internal changes we can make to hopefully create a less stupid world.
So as with most things in the world, this post is about and for white people, because well, this is a self-improvement website, and in this case, we’re the ones that need to do some fucking self-improving.
Here are six ways to suck less at being white.
1. Remember: You Don’t Actually Know How You Feel All the Time
Often when you try to explain institutionalized racism to a white person, they more or less stare at you blankly, and then say something like, “But I haven’t said the N-word in like, 5 years!” They really struggle to understand the concept. So let’s try something else.
When someone argues that they aren’t racist, there is an inevitable assumption that they’re making: That they would know whether or not they were racist.
And here’s the thing: you can’t know that. And that’s a fundamental issue that gets missed over and over and over.
So let’s back up a little.
No, back up more than that.
Even more.
Okay, great. So here’s the annoying thing about your shitty brain: Around 90-95% of your brain’s activity has nothing to do with conscious thought.
Now a huge chunk of that 95% is stuff like making your muscles flex, your stomach make weirdly loud gurgle sounds, and moving your eye along this line of text right now. But a very real, sizable chunk of it is subconscious thought.
There is an entire fucking world of theories and classifications in your subconscious that you don’t know about. Part of that is, “See a person that looks a certain way, classify it, and store it away for the future to know that X means Y.” It’s our brain’s way of creating shortcuts to maximize efficiency, but it’s also, like, kinda partly why white hoods exist.
You don’t always know why you’re doing what you’re doing, or why you’re thinking what you’re thinking, or even what the fuck your thoughts are.
I know, right? What a dumbshit your brain is.
So then, coupled with all of that, as white kids in America, we grow up witnessing black people being portrayed as criminals, and as voiceless athletes told to “shut up and dribble,” and we see their thoughts and feelings get dismissed over and over–whether it’s with peaceful protests, in academic contexts, or with black women being ignored more by doctors about their symptoms, or a billion other examples.
This is all so commonplace that we subconsciously profile people this way and normalize all of this, and mimic the behavior throughout our lives, and we have literally no idea it’s happening.
And because racism is universally seen as bad, when someone tries to point this out in our behavior, we feel viciously attacked, and we deny, deny, deny, and curl into a pasty little ball until the mean people go away.
This is when we defend ourselves by saying patently absurd things like, “I don’t see color!” and “Not everything is about race!” and, “I know what’s in my heart.”
Technically, dude, no you don’t.
The fact is that when someone asks if you’re racist, the most honest thing you can say is, “I don’t know. Not consciously.” That sounds fucking terrible, doesn’t it?
That’s the point. That’s why this needs to be constantly addressed.
2. Remember: You Can’t Know How Others Experience Things
Allow me to make a confession: I don’t understand why it’s a big deal for me to dress as a Native American for Halloween–not that I want to. That’s not my point. I’m not asking for permission. I just personally can’t really understand it. I’ve tried to. I’ve read the thinkpieces, I’ve reflected on it. Still seems like Halloween is just a stupid ass holiday, and I’m not sure what the big deal is.
But here’s what I also know: I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, and I’m probably wrong about this, and I’m probably right to keep wearing a stupid pumpkin sweater every year.
Me not understanding where they’re coming from doesn’t mean that they’re wrong, and I’m right. It quite literally means that there is something that they’re seeing that I’m not.
That’s bound to happen. Race and skin color, whether we like admitting it or not, impact the way we experience the world. So Norman Rockwell looking Will Penney can’t understand what people of color are going through, or in all cases, where they’re coming from. What I can do is have the humility to realize that I can’t understand this.
There have likely been times when black people have probably had qualms you didn’t understand, where some part of you was like, “Why is this the battle you’re picking?” The key step here, I think, is in not therefore assuming that their battle is unjust, but that there’s simply something that you can’t see from your position.
If we don’t constantly remind ourselves of that, then we can never, ever understand each other, and progress is fucking impossible.
So, all of this to say:
3. Listen to People Who Look Different From You
If you’re white, and this is the first thing you’ve read over the last several days about race, that’s probably not a great sign. Maybe diversify the timeline a little more there, Peter. Maybe watch that Cornell West video, then come back to this later.
Otherwise, keep in mind that when you see a consistent issue raised by the same group of people over and over, that’s probably a real thing, and you’re probably being a dick if you don’t take it seriously. Listen to the problem, try your best to understand why it’s a problem, and try even harder to see where you might be contributing to it, and what you can do about it.
4. Don’t Hate Yourself THAT Much
The only way to get people to face their racism is to make facing racism more tolerable. So knowing white people’s supreme dislike for things that are uncomfortable (see cargo shorts, Tevas, and couches that look like this), I think I have a way towards that, and it’s by making an important distinction.
If you’re consciously racist, it means you’re definitely a huge asshole.
If you’re subconsciously racist, it just means you were born in America.
So here’s what that means: Any consciously racist thought you have should be treated like a questionable mole, and you should burn it the fuck off of your being immediately. It’s not only cancerous, but also ew, how fucking gross. You’re right to feel dirty and awful for having that.
But subconsciously, we all have implicit biases. You’re going to find your own, and when you do, it’s important that you cut yourself a little bit of slack, and not equate yourself with Nazis.
This does NOT mean excusing a damn thing. You’re not excusing yourself for being subconsciously racist. You’re just not punching yourself in the balls repeatedly for it, because well, problems tend to be more difficult to fix when you’re doing that.
This is how you can allow yourself to notice your racist tendencies, and not hate yourself so much that you delve into self-loathing instead of just fucking fixing yourself.
The idea is to not take shame in who you are, but pride in who you can be.
Subconscious racism can be extremely subtle. So when someone points it out to you, don’t take it as meaning that you’re a monster. Take it as someone saying you’re driving like a douche. You’re not the devil incarnate for not realizing it, but also, you could accidentally hurt someone so definitely stop it.
5. Self-Examine
Telling people to look at themselves in the mirror, and root out their own racism is good in theory. The problem is that it’s incredibly fucking vague, nobody knows how to do that, and we almost universally suck at it.
So here are some specific questions you can start to ask yourself to get the ball rolling.
If you find yourself caring more about someone robbing Target than a guy being murdered by the police, and then it taking days (and riots) for any repercussions to kick in, why do you think that is?
If you think a certain group complains too much, why do you think that’s your reaction? Why do so quickly dismiss what they’re saying?
How well do you think you really know the experience of others?
Do you feel yourself having a kneejerk reaction where you take some group’s side every time something like this happens? Why do you think that might be?
Think about the times in your life when someone has called you out for your behavior. Simply ask yourself, “What if they’re right? What would that look like?”
What is one thing you can do differently with regards to how you approach race starting right now?
6. Overcompensate
In truth, self-examination is woefully insufficient. It’s a good place to start, but if you fixed all of the people who are aware enough to properly self-examine, you’d fix like, 8 people. We’re mostly total dipshits that will answer those questions above with, “I dunno” while drool-scrolling through Instagram.
What we can do, on a massive, society-wide level is overcompensate. We can take clear, designated actions to combat racism. This looks like not only overtly listening to people of color, but seeking out these conversations, making more concerted efforts to stand with them at times like this, supporting causes that support them, and, when you are educated on the realities of racism, loudly pointing them out to those in your circle who you think could benefit.
Looking into this has led me to a term that I’m learning probably way too late in life: anti-racism. This is the perspective of consciously, outwardly combatting racism in your life instead of just trying to ignore race. As I’ve shown in here, you can’t ignore race. Your subconscious is too much of an asshole.
When you ignore race, you allow yourself to continue to be subconsciously racist, and you let conscious racists continue to do things that lead to, well, everything you see before you right now.
The only solution for white people, as I see it, is to actively become anti-racist. This is, I believe, how you defeat the inherent racism in your subconscious. Don’t tell yourself it doesn’t exist. Beat the hell out of your subconscious racism with conscious anti-racism. Overpower it until it has lost all of its will to live.
So when you hear complaints about racism–about you, or the world at large–listen. When you approach the world through the lens of race, overcompensate. And when you find yourself forming opinions about race purely by thinking about them in your own white brain, remember: You likely don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.
Bonus step 7) Donate.
