The Universe Doesn’t Care

Read Time: 7 minutes

The universe does not have your back.  It doesn’t care about your back.  For the most part, it’s not even aware that you have a back.  You could just be a weird double torso’ed freak with four nipples and two belly buttons, and the universe wouldn’t know, and certainly wouldn’t care.

 

 

It’s not waiting to reward you if you just think a certain way, or pray a certain way, or watch Oprah a certain number of times.  The moons are not conspiring against or for you.  They have their own shit to worry about.  Being a moon is kind of a full time job.  They can’t be worrying about Francine in Topeka.

 

Your birthday isn’t the reason you like chocolate, a psychic doesn’t know why your dad is grumpy, and Mercury isn’t the reason a lady was mean to you at the froyo place, you complete and utter narcissist.

 

Staring at collages doesn’t send a message out to anyone–never mind a vague ethereal notion of “the universe.”  None of this is doing anything.

 

I don’t relish being that asshole to tell you all of this (okay I kind of do), but it’s ultimately for the best that you recognize this.  There is no fate, there is no plan.  We’re all just wading through an infinite web of chaos, and in your defense, you’re just trying to make sense of it.

 

But there is no sense to make.  We’ve been trying to make sense and figure out how the universe works for decades, and the only system we’ve found is that there is no system.  It’s a bunch of shit running into each other.

 

The universe is an intersection in India.  It’s a completely unorganized mess, and there are too many moving parts with free will trying to make their way to work to try to find your place in it.  Your impact on this chaos is miniscule and the results you reap from this are largely random.

 

If you want to actually move forward in life, and not feel so fucking angry at the world, you absolutely have to recognize this–in particular in one big, important way.

 

Karma Isn’t Real

 

Karma isn’t really baked into any western ideologies.  Most of us don’t really know where it comes from, or any kind of exact text that describes it.  It’s certainly not a part of our religions.  It’s mostly just something white people cite when they’re wronged to make themselves feel better.  We took karma from another culture, appropriated it for ourselves, and use our own deformed version of it at our own discretion whenever it feels good.  It’s basically the rock music of human spirituality.

 

I don’t have specific studies disproving karma, just as nobody has studies that disprove any negative.  But I can prove it doesn’t exist by simply, well, making a sweeping motion across the entire universe.

 

 

Karma is literally constantly proven wrong.  By “literally constantly” I mean there are at least 100 things happening on this planet right this second that disprove karma.  Some disgusting prick just made a sale.  A sweet young woman was diagnosed with cancer.  Some asshole that exploits working people just got a tax break.

 

We partly believe in karma because we hate to think that assholes won’t get their comeuppance.  We look at politicians we hate, or businessmen, or contestants on the Bachelor that we want to get hit by a train, and we think in our dumb brains, “Karma will get them.”

 

This is of course based on absolutely fucking nothing.  I mean zip.  There isn’t a study, a story, or a fable that’s been verified by anybody besides the homeless man who yells at you about chemtrails while you’re just trying to enjoy your picnic.  There isn’t even bad evidence for it–never mind any evidence at all.

 

It’s important to acknowledge this, because if you don’t, there’s a really, really good chance that you’re going to rely on karma at some point.  Someone will do one or a million terrible things, and instead of doing anything about it, you’ll give up and immediately console yourself, saying, “What goes around comes around.”  But instead of anything coming around anywhere, they get way more Insta followers than you, or have a happy family life, or get elected president.

 

Telling yourself karma will get them does nothing to them.  It specifically allows them to get off scot free.  It encourages you to do nothing, telling yourself, “Things tend to work themselves out,” (Hint: they don’t).

 

The universe isn’t doing shit, so you have to do it.  You have to get off your ass and give someone their comeuppance.  Stop relying on constellations to fix your life, you lazy asshole.

 

Or, alternatively, you could just stop caring about bad people getting their cosmic comeuppance, because…

 

Believing in Karma Makes You a Petty Asshole

 

Think about it.  How does real life justice make a difference?  It has a clear cause and result built into it.  You rob a store, and then you go to prison for 5 years, and it sucks, and you have no freedom and you get stabbed by a skinhead, and you’re like, “Well shucks, that wasn’t great.  That happened because I robbed a store, so I’d better make sure I don’t rob any more stores again.”

 

Karma doesn’t work like that at all.  Karma is you doing something wrong, and then some random bad bullshit happening to you.  Does that teach you a lesson?  Of course not, because you don’t see a clear line of cause and effect.

 

Even the most obnoxious karma believers never believe in bad karma for themselves.  When they’re an asshole, and then a Hummer runs over their cat, they don’t stop and think, “Well this is probably because I’m a garbage human.”  When it’s convenient, we stop believing in karma, and we don’t see bad karma as it would supposedly be impacting us.

 

 

This means that in terms of punishment, karma is completely ineffective.  It provides no lasting positive impact on the universe.  It’s just allowing you as a bystander to go, “Ha! So there!” for five seconds before you forget why you were angry in the first place.  It’s completely fucking useless.

 

So I don’t want to judge you, but I do think the evidence is pretty clear that believing in karma makes you a lazy delusional asshole.

 

Nothing is Manifesting But You…Kinda

 

There is one way to (somewhat) reliably manifest something into your life, and it’s the obvious one–do things with direct results.  The secret is not The Secret.  It’s action.  It’s always action.  Do things that get results, and you’ll get results.

 

But even then, not always.  Sometimes you’ll do all kinds of things, and they’ll do nothing for you.  You’ll work your ass off for years on something, and the universe will look at it, and go, “What the fuck is this shit, Will?”

 

Again, we live in an infinite web of chaos.  Your results are inevitably based on how others react to your actions and you don’t control that.  Action doesn’t guarantee anything, and you don’t necessarily get anything you deserve.  But you might, and action is the only way to give yourself a fighting chance.

 

All of these beliefs are wrong and suck for that reason alone, but there are three adjustments you can make to a few of them that bring you to reality, and help them to work better in practice.

 

3 Valid Adjustments to Shitty Spiritual Beliefs

1. Accumulate Good Karma Because You’re Not an Asshole

 

The end result of seeking good karma is positive.  You do good things for others.  That’s great.  Keep doing that.

 

But of course, if you do good things because you think the universe will reward you for with magical points of fortune for them, and not because they’re the right thing to do, you’re for sure an asshole.  You have no system of morals or positive beliefs.  You just do nice shit in exchange for goods and services.  There is no higher purpose, or greater good you’re working for.  You’re no different than some asshole who owns a sweatshop, except you believe in voodoo.

 

 

The problem with this isn’t only that it makes you a selfish ass, but also that it’s ultimately ineffective.  When your good karma doesn’t come around, you’ll get all butthurt and not want to be nice to people any more.

 

You see this happen all the time.  You’ll see the world’s perennial victims in your life go, “Why should I be nice to everyone when no one is ever nice to me?”  You’re doing the right thing because it’s the right thing, not because you’re trying to invest in your magic points portfolio.

 

So yes, be nice.  Even count your niceness points if you want to, and then present them to people who question your character to show what a nice fucking dork you are.

 

Seek to get into the good favor of others by doing good things and sacrificing of yourself–but not ultimately so that the universe will like you, but so that you can justifiably like yourself.

 

2. Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

 

Keeping your eyes on the prize and thinking about your goals and desires is a good way to spend time.  It focuses you, and keeps you focused on the right actions to take.

 

But if you do this expecting a reward from the universe and you don’t get what you want (which you might not no matter how on the prize your eyes are, because again, chaos), then you’re liable to stop keeping your eyes on the prize, or to continue your focus on an unattainable prize, or to make an even bigger vision board to look at instead of doing anything that actually, you know, does anything.

 

So sure, remain focused on what you want, but don’t expect to get it just because you think about it a lot.  Hope through the chaos, keep working, and when life inevitably hands you a shit sandwich, don’t curse the universe.  Keep your eyes on the prize even more, and work even more.

 

It’s chaos, and sometimes you’ll end up on the wrong end of the chaos.  Keep working, keep pushing, stay focused, and eventually, hopefully, you’ll end up with something besides a shit sandwich.

 

 

3) Don’t Stop Believin’

 

Remaining optimistic no matter what is always good.  That’s just the most mentally healthy option.  That keeps you going when life pees on your head.  Remaining positive and confident things can still work out is important.

 

But “can” is the optimal word there.  Believing that things “can work out” is hugely important in keeping you going, and pushing you to your greatest lengths.  It keeps you doing things towards an end rather than relying on outside forces.  Believing things “will work out” is just you being lazy, and cowardly, and delusional with no payoff.  It’s becoming exactly what you* hate.

 

So sure, remain optimistic, be good to others, and keep your eyes on the stupid prize.  But don’t expect anything from anyone–much less some ethereal combination of vacuums and balls of gas.  Believing things can work out is essential.  Believing they will work out is toxic.

 

*I

 

Sometimes the universe will drop a fortune in your lap, and sometimes it will drop an awkward interaction, or a job loss, or pile of garbage on your lap, and this kind of stuff will happen at random times.  It doesn’t care what you asked for.  It occasionally cares what you worked for, so working for it is always the best way forward.

 

You can and should still work to control your section of the chaos as much as you can, but never lose sight of the fact that it is in fact chaos.  The universe isn’t for you or against you.  It’s a train eternally chugging along, and you’re just here for the ride.  So work hard, expect nothing, don’t be an asshole, and enjoy your view of the chaos.