By 
Life and its constant existential and literal push forward can really wear you the hell out sometimes. There is so much that you want, and so much that you have to do, and so much that everybody else is expecting out of you, that it can feel like an endless journey towards more endless journeys, to more endless journeys and all you want to God damn do is sit on a rock somewhere and stare at your phone and snort some Cheeto dust (or you know, whatever you’re into.)
In other words, one of our most universal, overwhelming, and never-ending cravings is to be satisfied. We just want our work to be over. We want everything that matters to just be out of the way. We want to feel okay with never going to the gym, to work, or to brunch with weird Aunt Francine ever again. We want to feel like we have enough of everything, and that we’ve done enough of everything, and like we earned a place of peace, of laziness, and of easy, automated, infinite joy.
We just want to feel like we can be fucking done, man. We want to feel satisfied.
This is normal, and not always a bad thing. Satisfaction is one of the best feelings in the world. It’s a wonderful temporary respite from this annoying hellhole known as reality.
Some of us get to experience this more than others. Just as with basically every human feeling–laughter at a specific joke, hunger for specific foods, how we feel about feet–there are people all over the spectrum about how they experience satisfaction.
Happy, Satisfied Losers
There are people who are able to consistently feel satisfied with life in general. They are able to constantly look at their performance, their friends, and their activities, and think, “Okay, good enough,” no matter what their surroundings are actually are for them.
At this extreme, these people are generally very happy, optimistic, grateful losers. They accomplish very little in life, have weak, surface level friendships, take shit from absolutely everyone, eat at Applebees, work awful, unstimulating jobs, and when they notice the hurricane of atrocities occurring across the world, they shrug and switch to the Food Network. After all, why not accept all of that? You’re still satisfied. The world is still enough even it’s also arguably a planet-sized dumpster fire.
But then again, maybe we should step back and look again. Are they losers? Am I wrong about that?
Does it make you a loser to be happy with all of that? That’s important to ask because to some degree, isn’t being happy with whatever is around you…kind of the point of life? Isn’t Cousin Bob who happily watches Wheel of Fortune every night with his “actually pretty good” Lean Cuisine way ahead of a depressed billionaire in life?
I honestly don’t know. I’m not sure if there’s a definitive place to land on this. But let’s try looking at the other extreme.
Miserable Heroes
Paul McCartney was always frustrated with is lack of fame. Countless supermodels think they aren’t attractive enough. Many of the world’s most successful people get where they are because they get to an already pretty awesome place, and they still think, “Nah. Not good enough.” And that “Nah, not good enough” persists throughout their entire lives. They are eternally and miserably achieving more.
These people are, in many ways, the best of us. They reach heights never seen before. They accomplish the impossible. They look super fucking good naked.
And because of this, their lives totally suck. No amount of fame, fortune, or accolades are ever, ever enough for them. Their answer to everything is impatiently saying “more.” They’re like if Oliver Twist had eight mansions and was an asshole.
They reach their stated goal, and then immediately feel like, “Well if I was able to actually do this, it must have been too easy,” and feel like shit. Not only is life never good enough for them, but they’re never good enough for themselves–which is just about the saddest thing you can say about a person (that or “his best friend is his cat.”)
These people are miserable, depressed, anxious, world-changing superstars.
So Who is Right?
Who is better? Which extreme is the one to aim for?
Neither of course. They both totally suck. They both are extremely far from anything any person should strive for.
On one hand, humans aren’t meant to always be satisfied, and it’s not where we’re at our best. We’re meant to crave exploration, to constantly seek to create a better world for ourselves and others. That’s why evolution happens. A species of people happy with Pop Tarts and reality TV is a species that won’t survive. It’s a species that would still be chucking spears and drawing their stick figure bumper sticker family using pig’s blood on a cave wall.
When we avoid this approach, we invent things, we work more efficiently, and we have a more advanced view of people, which is good.
But on the other hand, we’re also meant to enjoy our lives. If you burst forth from the womb, rub your nose against the grindstone for 80 years, and then keel over, that’s a pretty stupid life too.
So no matter what, you need to be both able to feel unsatisfied and satisfied. You need the yin and yang. You need to know how to strike the right balance.
So then what do we do? How do we conduct our own balancing act of satisfaction? How do become satisfied the appropriate amount of time?
Satisfaction is a great thing to feel when it’s earned. It’s one of the best feelings in the world. Feeling the release of responsibility or cause for concern is like a little brain orgasm. But in order to feel it, you first have to feel the responsibility. A weight must be there to be lifted. Before you get to brain orgasm, you first need a frustrated brain boner.
In other words, the pursuit, I believe, is not to feel satisfaction, but to earn satisfaction. It’s to set goals for what you want to do–whether it’s talking to that girl at the bar, eating a bag of chard, or taking steps to become an astronaut. It can be just doing the right thing in a moment, or accomplishing a lifetime goal.
So with that in mind, I think the key balance is in the relentless pursuit of designated, conscious, and above all else temporary satisfaction. If temporary satisfaction is your daily holy grail, I think you’ve reached the sweet spot.
The Cycle of Temporary Satisfaction
So the real idea is to get on a cycle of temporary satisfaction, which looks like this.
A couple of things to note about this cycle:
The satisfaction you feel should be commensurate with your accomplishment. So if you hit a long term goal, you should take an earned vacation, and forget about everything else for several days. Oh, you got a call from home and your friend died? Psh! Whatever! Fuck off! I’m relaxing! I earned it!
Maybe not that extreme, but you get the idea.
Proportionally, if you do what you’re trying to do for the day, allow yourself to feel satisfied, and relax guilt-free for the day.
If you were just nice to an ugly person and you’re not usually, take a second. Breathe in some pride. Look in the mirror and really try your damnedest to not hate the reflection.
After the moments when you’re not a shiftless asshole, do everything you possibly can to let go of your worries and enjoy yourself. Act like you’ve earned your satisfaction time (because you have), and eventually, you’ll start to really feel the satisfaction (for more on this, check out my e-book). You deserve to mindfully let go and bask in the wonders of the world. Listen to the breeze, let the sunshine rest on your face, and think to yourself, “You know, I’m really not that bad.”
This cycle seems incredibly simple, and it is. But sometimes really simple things are easy to lose track of. Starting on the cycle is easy. Maintaining this cycle involves staying mindful of it. It involves not getting on the high achiever track, as well as not being a do-nothing dipshit. Stay on the cycle, really celebrate life by feeling the satisfaction and joy that comes from hard work, and then keep pushing.
The high achievers are on the right track with the constant push for more. The low achievers are on the right track in really fucking enjoying Wheel of Fortune. You can do both if you do it consciously, and you get on the cycle of temporary satisfaction.
So get on the cycle, remain conscious of it, and don’t get off. Earn the satisfaction, enjoy the satisfaction, and then lose the satisfaction until it’s earned again.
Do that until you’re dead, and your life won’t be stupid.
